*nix fun
One good reason why *nix is real fun
Sunday 14 August 2005 at 03:14 am.
1)
#!/bin/sh
if ! [test -f /dev/chick]
echo “Forgetting something?”
exit 1;
fi
mv /dev/chick ~/bedroom
touch chick/breasts
unzip chick/dress
rm -f chick/bra chick/panties
clamscan chick/*
rm ~/pants
cat ~/penis >> chick/mouth
cat chick/mouth | grep -v `cat ~/penis` > chick/mouth # To take it out…
cat ~/bedroom/nightstand/condom >> ~/penis
mount ~/bedroom/chick
fsck && fsck && fsck
umount ~/bedroom/chick
while [ -f ~/bedroom/chick ]; do
sleep 5
done
… but this is from the guy who has /dev/acd0 symlinked to /dev/chick so he can giggle every time he uses his cdrom
2)
who | grep -i blonde | date | cd ~; unzip; touch; strip; finger; mount; gasp; yes; uptime; umount; sleep
3)
(java can be sexy)
import Sex.Bed.*;
import Sex.Protection.*;
import Sex.Position.*;
import Sex.Partner.*;
public class Fuck extends Sex.Forplay {
private Partner me; private Partner otherPerson;public static void Main(String args[]) {
boolean lastPostionMissionary;
otherPerson = new Partner();
// commented out to enable god mode//me.stamina = 2;
//me.climaxLimit = 10;
//me.minutesUntilNextActionAfterClimax = 20;
me.stamina = 99999999999;
me.climaxLimit = 9999999999;
me.minutesUntilNextActionAfterClimax = 0;
System.out.println(“How’s YOU doin…”);
addProtection(Protection.CONDOM);
changePosition(Position.DOGGY);
lastPositionMissionary = false;
while(me.notClimaxed) {
for(int i=0; i<400; i++) {
thrust();
}
if(lastPositionMissionary) changePosition(Position.DOGGY);
else changePosition(Position.MISSIONARY);
}
}
private addProtection(int type) {me.genitals.accessories[me.genitals.length] = type;
}
private changePosition(int postition) {
switch(position) {
case Position.MISSIONARY:
this.me.energyLevelRate = -0.3;
this.me.pleasureIncreaseRate = 9;
case Position.DOGGY:
this.me.energyLevelRate = -0.13;
this.me.pleasureIncreaseRate = 13;
}
}
private thrust() {
me.energyLevel = me.energyLevel*me.energyLevelRate;
me.pleasureLevel = me.pleasureLevel*me.pleasureIncreaseRate;
if(me.pleasureLevel >= me.climaxLimit) {
me.climax();
sleep(me.minutesUntilNextActionAfterClimax*365);
}
}
}
4)
Heres a lisp version of Programming, Sex & Rockn’roll
(defun life (x)(cond ((equal ‘programming x) (life ‘sex))
((equal ‘sex x)(life ‘rock-n-roll))
((equal ‘rock-n-roll x)
(life ‘programming)
(t (“I am in a coma”))))
5)
Sex in ASM
Oh well, this sex would be pretty fast, no more than some milliseconds. :)
_asm
{
mov BX, 69;
mov DX, 69;
mov AL, 69;
do_the_thing:
in DX, AH;out DX, AL;
dec BX;
or BX, BX;
jnz do_the_thing; }
6)
Another Shell program (csh)
if ((sizeof($penis) < 5) || $job == “programmer”){
unlink(”/usr/local/bin/sex”);
exec(”/usr/local/bin/masturbate”);
} else {
exec(“setenv SEXLIVE true”);
exec(“setenv MULTIPLEPARTNERS true”);
exec(“setenv HOTGIRLS true”);
}
7)
With *nix goodies
updatedb, locate, talk, date, cd, strip, look, touch, finger, unzip, uptime, gawk, head, apt-get install condom, mount, fsck, gasp, more, yes, yes, yes, more, umount, apt-get remove —purge condom, make clean, sleep
8)
Silly sex implementation in PROLOG
not optimized (+ a bug) ;)
sex(Partner1, Partner2) :-
Partner1 \= Partner2, % no, masturbation is not sex =P
gender(Partner1, X),
gender(Partner2, Y),
X \= Y, % it CAN’T happen, so don’t try :)
thrust(Partner1, Partner2, N),
omg(Partner1, Partner2, N).
omg(P1, P2, N) :- N >= 999999,
assert(baby, 1) ;
N >= 9999999999,
assert(twins, 1) ;
gender(P1, X),
X = male, N < 0,
assert(viagra(P1));
gender(P2, X),
N < 0, assert(viagra(P2)).
thrust(Partner1, Partner2, N) :-
gender(Partner1, X),
X = male,
assert(penis(Partner1, Partner2)),
retract(penis(Partner1, Partner2));
gender(Partner2, X),
X = female,
assert(penis(Partner2, Partner1)),
retract(penis(Partner2, Partner1)).
Courtesy:- Orkut
three comments
It's all just fun :-) Ritesh Raj Sarraf (Email ) (URL) - 31-08-’05 10:19